i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i came on her dog
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
