I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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