You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
