I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
