My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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