we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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