you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
