i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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