then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
