We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how can u be prego again
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
