All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
