I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
