I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She even gives head with a lisp.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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