Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
