In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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