We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
