I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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