Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
