$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
