I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
