Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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