should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
