Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she told me i tasted like america
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
