My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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