Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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