So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We need a shit load of segways right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
