So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
