he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
God, I missed his penis.
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