Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
