So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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