true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
