she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
