my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
