Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
