How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
