there's paper in my vomit.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
