Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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