I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
