I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
