I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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