So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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