just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
