Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize