Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My bed smells like the plague
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