The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
