everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
tell me about the eggs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
