3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
