i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize