id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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