Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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