I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
