I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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