The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
