My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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