I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
