piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
