I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
