the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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