There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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