my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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