i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
