this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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