i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize