I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
