you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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