I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I forget how to act sober
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