do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
