If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
