if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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