She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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