his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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